I Awoke on My Own: A Jehovah’s Witness Elder’s Journey Out of the Cult
By Rudolf Miller, Germany
A Jehovah’s Witness Survivor Story
I am now 51 years old and joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses at the age of 20. I was deeply interested in the Bible and terribly afraid of dying. Everything I read and heard from the Jehovah’s Witnesses sounded logical, plausible, and coherent. So I decided to join and go full steam ahead.
Very quickly, I was appointed a ministerial servant, and a little later, at the age of 26, I was already an elder. I did everything I was asked. I even moved with my family and three children to an emergency area to support the congregation. That’s how it went, until the coronavirus pandemic hit.
That’s when I started to have my first doubts.
Since everything was shut down, I suddenly had no more stress and much more joy. I had hoped it would stay that way until Armageddon. But after two years, we were supposed to start all over again, preaching, long drives, the grind of responsibility. On top of that came the war in Ukraine and many refugees in our congregation. I was at the end of my tether and hoped the branch would help us a little. Everyone needed support, and we were expected to revive all congregation activities at once. But we were left completely alone with our problems.
This was not the first time I felt abandoned.
The first time was during the delivery of a young woman who died very quickly. As always, a blood transfusion was refused. We were all in shock, and the first congregation meeting afterward was horrible for me. I called the Central European branch and asked, “How can we hold the first meeting when we are all in shock?”
I thought they would say, “We’ll send two elders to conduct the program for you.”
Far from it. I was told, “You should do everything without any changes.”
These two moments, the pandemic and that tragic death, led me to believe that the branch office only cared about administration and bureaucracy. They were neither intellectual nor truly spiritual.
Still, I stuck with it. I followed the instructions strictly. I didn’t visit any apostate websites. But over time, I noticed I wasn’t achieving my goals as an elder. I couldn’t comfort or motivate people anymore.
So I decided to improve my knowledge of psychology. I bought several books and magazines. That was the trigger.
Slowly, I saw through the manipulations.
My awakening was not connected with reading critical material. I awakened myself. After that, I allowed myself to listen to critical websites, and all my suspicions and fears were confirmed.
From then on, there was no turning back.
The team at CultInsider.com praises the courage and authenticity of Mr. Miller for speaking out about his experience with Jehovah’s Witnesses. It is our greatest hope to help remove the stigma that keeps so many survivors silenced and afraid to share their truth. Every time someone like Mr. Miller speaks up, it gets a little easier for others to do the same. We applaud him for his strength, his story, and for allowing us to publish this powerful testimony to our Survivor Stories page.
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